the next hurdle in life upon graduating high school was to choose a college.  all i knew at 18 was i desperately wanted to get out of my home state of Texas.  this wasn’t simply a desire.  it was a matter of life and death.  never announcing a word to any soul, intuitively, i knew if […]

Read more "a steep learning curve"

i had no idea what to expect from a psychiatrist.  i was still operating under the illusion that adults and certain other people of various ages knew what was going on.  doctors, naturally, held up as demigods.  i worshiped what i didn’t understand, and refused to accept the truth about the profession: a doctor is human […]

Read more "shrinkage"

when you are young it is natural to be optimistic.  i actually believed in magic.  no matter what, i knew somehow, someway, whatever is good and right prevails. now, suddenly i was plunged into a state of non-being.  what was really real i wondered? my concentration was gone.  my attention span was non-existent. but, the […]

Read more "the initial step"

at 15 you don’t know much.  i knew far less, however, than my peers so it seemed.  back then, i believed in the ‘secret handshake’ and everyone else had it.  i couldn’t fathom the interest in social games, parties, groups or anything that didn’t really address what the world was about and why everything was […]

Read more "the self vanishes…"